Should've, Would've, Could've
by Mrs.cullenANDmellark32312
Summary: When Bella was a kid, she moved to forks. She soon became friends with Alice, Emmet, Jasper, and Edward. she falls in love with Edward as the grow up. And when she goes off to college, she leaves.when she comes back, to start a life there. When she Realises, what she wanted she left behind... will there be sparks again? or did that leave when she did? E/B A/J R/EM
1. Preface

**AN: i dont own twilight ...**

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PREFACE:

"Alice what do you have packed?" I asked. Alice was me best friend, has been since I first moved here when I was about eight. When I moved to forks, Alice was the only one who didn't treat me any differently; she didn't look at me as if I was a freak of some kind or an alien. We quickly became friends.

"I have got clothes… and everything done." she said as she looked around, as if she forgot something. "We just have to wait for Emmet to take us to the college." We were going to the college in Seattle. Emmet was her older cousin by two years; he was one of my best friends, quickly after Alice introducing us Emmet quickly took a brotherly role for me. He came down from the college to take me and Alice to it. "Have you spoken to Mike or Edward since Friday night?"

"Mike is fine, angry, but fine or so I've heard, I haven't spoken to _him,_" I sat as I sat next to her on her bed and lay next to her.

she took a sigh, "Bella—," I quickly cut her off.

"No! Edward had not right to punch im, much less three times! It was only a date, Edward needs to realize he doesn't own me," Edward was Alice's older brother by two years. Edward has been a friend since I've been here, too. We instantly clicked. But as soon as we got out of high school, he changed. He changed into the person he still is today, someone who thought they owned me, and though, somehow, I belonged to him in every sense of the word. While, he thought this, he believed it was ok for him to go out and party, make out with random strangers, while I couldn't. I got to sit next to Alice or Emmet and these parties, never was I _allowed _to take to other men. If I had, the man I was found talking to was punished as if I was cheating on Edward with him. High school was worse.

"Bella, you know Edward only does what he thinks is right for you, you know that," she looked at me seriously. She made these excuses for him, every time something similar like this happened.

"Alice he punched my date, three times, gave him two bruises. And made him bleed. When he did absolutely nothing wrong but walk me to my door, so he could say good night after our date. He also broke into my house, while, my dad was away and waited for me and my date to come home, so he just could beat the shit out of him. Alice, please tell me anything justifies it?" I looked at her seriously. Alice had always thought of Edward as golden, and defended him constantly.

"Edward is Edward. He always reacts like this way for you, you know that," She contemplated.

"I don't know hwy thought, im not even dating him, I never have," we were friends, but when ever he did do or say something that made me think of it as more, the next day I saw him with a different girl, or making plans to go n a date. When I was spending the night at Alice's, I took my room over there, it was called the guest room, but everyone knew it was technically my room. Late at night Edward would come and sleep in the room, with me wrapped in his arms. At about 5 in the morning he would wake up and go back to his room. He did that from ages 14 to 17; he never said anything, when he did it we just laid there quiet, until he told me his good byes in the morning. I never pouched the subject or the day that followed to he continued this for 3 years.

"It's obvious of his feelings for you, you know," Alice nudged my shoulder pulling my out of my trance.

"Alice if had or has even the slightest but of feelings for me, he could've or should've said something. I mean, its Edward, he could've had any girl in the whole school. If he wanted or wants me he could say something."

"He could be just shy," she sighed.

I gave her an 'are you kidding me' face, "this is Edward we are talking about, Mr. Spontaneity," I shook my head, "Mr. i-have-no-filter-so-i-say-anything-to-any-one-i-want."

she chuckled, "you never know,"

"I don't know, I mean its not like I punched Tawnya because he has dating her, yet, guys who just want to be my friend have to go through Edward 'tests', like nay of them passed."

"His feelings…" she thought about what I had just said for a second. "What do you mean tests?"

"Edward had any guy that wanted to know me in any way take three tests, written, oral, and physical. There were about 16 candidates, and none of them passed."

She gasped. "No!" I nodded, "how did you find out?"

"one day I was going through his stuff, looking for a book I lent him and found a black binder with the words 'tests' on it. I opened it and there were about 50 pages, neatly typed up and what not." I laughed.

"Do you think he still had it?" she whispered.

"Probably," I shrugged.

she got up and tiptoed over tot eh door, "come one,"

I got up and followed her up the third flight of stairs. There only two rooms up on the third floor, Edward's and the guest room. We got quieter as we came closer to his room at the end of the hall. We slowly opened it. We both weren't sure what time Edward would come home from hanging out with Emmet. I pulled her towards the other end of his big room, over to his book shelf. Sure enough on the top shelf there it was, the black binder, I pulled it out and on the cover it sat 'tests'.

We both giggled like 13 year olds, "open it," she whispered, we turned our backs to the door and opened it.

"Look," I said and point to the first page.

'HE MUST BE:'

Then it listed a bunch of attributes that im sure only about 10 people in the state of Washington could fulfill. We flipped through the printed pages, then something caught my eye. "Wait, a whole page has been added." we both looked closer to read it.

"What are you two doing here?" we heard his velvety voice behind us.

We instantly froze. Looking at each other, Alice closed it and put behind her back and then turned. I turned too.

"Nothing," We both said too innocently, I finally looked at him. I hadn't in 4 days. His eyes red and he had light purple under his yes from not getting any sleep. He still looked hot, though. His hair was his usual mess.

"Why were you in my room?" he looked at both of us, "why?" he looked up, when he saw the empty very noticeable empts ace in the corner, he instantly became rigid, his jaw clenched. His hands were in fists. He came closer, "give it to me Alice," He said in a rough tone.

Alice handed it over, "Oh, would you look at the time, I have to cal jasper," she looked at her invisible watch then slid by Edward. Jasper was he boyfriend of 4 months, also a friend. "Come on Bella," she said.

"No, I want to talk to Bella," he said only looking at me.

after mouthing an 'im sorry' Alice left, and shut the door behind her.

He took a step closer; Edward never had space boundaries with me he was like this ever since he changed. "How long have you known about," he whispered.

"since I was 16," I said in a defensive tone.

"Hmmm. . ." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I wanted to make sure that the men in you life had the right intentions." He shot back.

"What if I didn't want you checking?" I said in the same tone.

"I really don't care," he was angry.

"I did!" I almost yelled, "I don't like you meddling, you need to realize that I am a big girl, I don't need." I slid passed him and he followed.

"I didn't or don't care if you need me, no guy is coming near you if he has the wrong intention." I turned.

"Edward I am 18, I thing I can handle myself and boys,"

He came and pushed me up to the door. "I don't think you understand," eh paused, "I don't care,"

"I do,"

"Fine, your broken heart, your problem," he spat at me.

"One broken heart is better then only having 3 guy friends in high school,"

Then all of a sudden he kissed me, long and hard, his lips sent shivers up and down my spine, he liked the bottom lip asking for entrance, I gave him it, I moaned into his mouth. Our tongues danced together. Finally he pulled away.

"He passed," he whispered.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Newton, I called him yesterday to give him the test, and just went over for the physical test. He passed."

I was instantly pissed, he continued to meddle in my life even after wheat just happened, I pushed him away, "Edward, I don't give a fuck," He looked at me confused.

"You don't care that he passed?"

"No," I said seriously, "I don't,"

"There can be an 'us'," he came closer.

I did too. "Edward, "I whispered then became louder, "no," his smile dropped. "You had you chance, you had almost 10 years of chances. You threw it away for one of your whores, so don't expect me to take you in with open arms." I was surprised by how our conversation had turned.

"I want a chance," he scooted closer.

I took a step back, "I don't want you near me, and you don't know how much it hurt me, when you say it was over with her, I wanted so badly to believe you, so I let you in, knowing the next day I would wake up missing you. When the one you love is in love with some one else, don't you know its torture I mean it's a living hell. No matter how hard I try to convince myself this time I won't lose control. My heart couldn't tell you no. but now It can," I took a step to the door. "You don't love me the way I love you," I whispered.

"Bella, I always loved you!" he came closer.

"Yeah?"

"Yes!"

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.

"I—i—i-," he stuttered.

"You were a coward! You thought you would get rejected! You thought of what your pain would be. You were scarred of what would happen to you if I had said no!" I yelled.

"Bella-," he got closer.

Before I knew it my fist connected with his jaw. "You were a coward! You were selfish!" he turned back to me from my punch.

"You don't under stand anything!" he whispered, in a harsh tone, his jaw slowly turning purple. "If I was such a coward for not saying anything then, so were you, you didn't say anything, you thought of what would happen to you if you got rejected! So don't call me a coward when if that was the reason I didn't say anything when those were your reasons."

"I was a little kid compared to you, 2 years younger, I thought of rejection constantly! You were afraid you were going to ruin your great reputation you have going on you would lose all that if a little kid said no to you!" I hissed.

"You don't understand!" he yelled.

"Yeah?" I held in my tears, although I was sure I already had them streaming down my face, "Edward if your filled with so much understandment then understand this!" I opened his door and walked out after slamming his door. I ran to my guest room, at the other end of the hall and curled into a little ball on my bed, and cried.

All of my dreams were crushed with in those words. I loved Edward, but if he knew what was best for me, then he should've known from the start that he was best for me. That I _needed_ him.

He should've known that all those years I waited for him, and he never did. But now that he tried I realized that it was because of him that I cried every night, it was because of him, I feared any male attention because I didn't know how to react, It was him that I loved so much that didn't love me back, as much. He deprived me of something that I wanted more then anything. Him.

And because he was scarred if the after math of what could've been rejection and hurt, for him. He didn't try; I was scarred, not ready for rejection. I didn't want my world to crash down because of a few words.

It just did.

it wasn't just him that was a coward, though. it was me, I was afraid of losing a friend, but that shouldn't have stopped me from something i wanted. I didn't realize that then; but i did when I thought it was too late. . .

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Review (:


	2. Chapter 1

**AN: I don't own twilight. but I wish I owned an Edward Cullen (; **

**ok, I know its been a long time sine I've updated, I just had to plan and what not. and I got to about chapter 4 done, so updates will come faster now(:**

**some of you might know my other story Afraid and Forgotten, I haven't updated it in about 1 week and a half, but don't worry, I will continue, im just at a little writers block, but I will begin writing it again today. **

**another thing, in about 2 weeks I will be taking a trip to visit my family in Oregon, so don't expect an update from July, 9th to about July, 16th.. Maybe.**

**ok any way on with the story. **

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Chapter 2

_Ring Ring _

"Hello?" I answered into the phone, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Bella? Are you in forks yet?" I heard Alice's pixie tone voice on the other end of the line.

I sighed. "Alice, im going to be, maybe, like, 2 minutes, not even. But there is something you need to learn." I turned my signal light on so I could turn onto my new street.

"What's that?"

"Patience!" I pulled into the drive way of our new house me and Alice would be living in, we decided we would move in together once both of us finished college.

"Bella swan! This is Alice Cullen you are talking to! If I wanted tot learn the meaning of the word patience, I would have a loooong time ago!" she giggled.

"ok, im here," I giggled back. I got out of my truck.

"Emmett and I will be there in a second to help you." with that she hung up the phone, and I set it in my back pocket. I pulled down the back part of the truck to open the door, so we could unpack what was in the back. "Bella! I missed you!" Alice was literally gone away from me about 2 weeks. She came with all her stuff 2 weeks early, and unpacked all of her stuff. She hugged me tight, I hugged her tighter.

"Come on, let's get to it," she pointed to the back of my truck, that had maybe 4 or 5 boxes and my bed. Alice taught me how to ship stuff, over the phone, so most of my stuff is already here, and knowing Alice, probably, unpacked.

"Bellarina!" Emmett's booming voice said behind me, it turned to give him a hug. "Are you eating right? You are skin and bones." he said wrapping his thumb and finger around my wrist, perfectly. Emmet had always been… _Brotherly?_ To me.

"I am eating just fine; Alice wouldn't let me eat anything other then what she cooked." I said with a very childish grin that only he brought out of me.

"Is this your bed?" he pointed to on to of the truck; Alice was already pulling the boxes out.

"Yes, Sir," I said getting into the back of the truck as he did.

***S~*~W~*~C***

"Bye, Emmett! Say hi to Rosalie for me!" I called out to him; he was going out to his car,

"Bye, Bellarina! Will do!" he drove away, I shut the door and went back into the living room. Alice was sitting down on the couch with tea.

"We are officially moved in!" Alice looked at me with such hope.

I gave her the same look. "I know! Im sooo happy!" I sate next to her on the white couches.

"Everyone is coming over tomorrow to see the house at 6, I hope you don't mind."

"Yeah, I don't mind, Emmet was saying something about it earlier. And then a thought occurred to me… "By everyone, do you mean…?"

She gave me a knowing look, "yes, Edward is coming over too," I sighed, I hadn't talked to Edward since that day before I left for college. When I was 18 and he was 20. I was 24 now and he must be 26. "You guys have to talk sooner or later."

"I know," I picked up my tea form the coffee table, "I just-," I couldn't finish.

"I get it, he just hasn't been the same since you-,"

"What do you mean?" why was I hearing about this about 6 years later? Different? Not the same? How?

"Well, when you left, you know how he switched colleges—," I felt a burn in my heart twitch; I completely remember how he switched colleges, when I came to his. "—for about six months," he eyes were watery right away, she cleared her thought, "sorry," she wiped her almost tears away, "for about 6 months after we left her moved, and got into the wrong crowd," she paused again, to gain her composure, "he did drugs,"

"Wait, what?" I was pissed now, "How could he be so stupid?"

"Esme quickly put a stop to it. he took a semester off of college, and Esme helped him, and he went to rehab, he got better, healthier even, started going to a gym and got his life back on track," her sad was gone now.

"That's good," my shoulder relaxed.

"Yeah, now he is working with Carlisle and Esme in charity and stuff like that," The Cullen's owned a big company that donated to charities and was in charge of donors.

"That's even better," I was happy now, but my smile soon fell because I realized, his great life that he has now, he made with out me. I always dreamed as a little kid that by the age of 26 we would be happily married, I was a kid, I didn't understand, I guess.

She smiled, "Yeah,"

"Does he ever…" I looked down "never mind."

She laughed, "yes, he asks about you, not a lot and very subtly,"

"Oh,"

"I told him you here to open up a book store with me, he's happy that you're here, he tried to hid it but, you know how he is." she laughed. To Alice, Edward was an open book, if you will. To me it was as if I was trying to read Chinese backwards and upside-down.

*SWC*

I went to bed tired. Dreading tomorrow, I tried so hard to not think about him, but I couldn't listen to myself. I wondered if he was going to act like nothing happen, or if that was all he would talk about? Would his feeling be the same? Would he talk to me? Ignore me? Was he with someone? Was he married? Kids? A million if questions ran through my head, I soon fell asleep and had a dream about a memory I hadn't thought of since I was 18. . .

"_Edward will be there," Alice was trying to convince to come to go get coffee with everyone, apparently Edward too. _

"_Fine, but isn't it, like, a couples thing? I mean, you're going with Jasper; Emmet is bringing his new girlfriend," this would be the first time, we would all meet Emmet's girlfriend Rosalie._

""_you and Edward are going to come as friends of course," she pulled me out of my house, to her car. I guess I was going now. Its, Emmet's and Edward's last full week here, in Forks, The would still come in on the weekends, "they want to do something with the _whole_ group," _

"_ok," I said, getting settled in the passenger seat._

*SWC*

_We soon came to the coffee shop and my heart stopped when I saw Edward's car pull in the same time we did. We parked, and went to the front of the coffee shop where we saw Emmet, who im assuming was his girlfriend, and Jasper._

"_Hey, Jasper," Alice giggled_

"_hey," he gave her a quick kiss._

"_Everybody this is Rosalie," Emmet ushered a blonde towards us, her blonde curls hanging off her shoulders. Her make up was natural, I was sure even with out it she would be the same._

_We all said hi._

"_Alice is my cousin," Emmet pointed to Alice, "she is going out with Jasper, and this is her friend, Bella, or Bellarina as me and Jasper calls her," he pointed to me._

"_It's great to meet you, Rosalie," I said shaking hands with her._

"_Please, call me rose," she smiled._

"_Rose," I said._

"_And that is Edward," Emmet pointed behind me; he gave me a quick hug, and stayed behind me. "Edward, this is Rosalie," _

_They shook hands, "Call me Rose," she smiled. "You're dating Bella?"_

"_No," I said too quickly, everyone looked at me, "Edward is only my friend, and Emmet and cousin," I mumbled._

_She looked surprise, "oh…. sorry for the assumption." she said sincerely _

"_No need," _

_We all entered the café. As we ordered, Edward stayed by side, he started doing this since 16. But no moves were made, so I thought it was just our friend ship growing. Emmet paid for Rose's, Jasper paid for Alice's, and as much as I hated it, Edward paid for mine. We all sat down at a round table in the corner of the café. _

"_im going to go get sugar," I stood up from my seat between Edward and Alice._

"_I'll come with you," Edward immediately stood up._

"_no," I quickly said, "im fine, im sure I can manage walking over to a table at the other end of the café, and walk back."_

_Edward sat back down, "are you sure?"_

"_yes," I pushed in my chair, "I'll be back," I turned to walk to the booth, and in ten seconds I was getting sugar, I turned around to quickly, and me being me, bumped into someone. "Oh, im so sorry," I looked around frantically to see if I spilled anything._

"_Oh, no problem," a deep voice said, I looked up. "Im James, from your 2nd and 5th period in school," he said in an 'oo I know you!' tone._

"_Oh, yeah what do you know," I backed up._

"_You're Bella?" he asked._

"_Y-yeah," I wasn't used to talking to boys, because of Edward; he kept me from them since I was 13. _

"_Well, I see you around," he said._

"_Yeah, maybe." No, I wasn't sure._

_I went back to the table and everybody was in their own conversation, except for Edward, I sat down. Edward passed me a napkin it had something written on it. _

_Who was that?_

_I looked around for a pen, Edward handed me one. I wrote. _

_Why do you want_

_To know? _

_While everyone was in their own conversation, I and Edward held our own._

_I wanna know._

_James from my 2nd and 5th, I almost_

_ran right into him and _

_He said hi. _

_He chuckled at my written response._

_What happened to being_

_Able to manage?_

_I was angered by his response._

_A little mishap_

_Happened, I _

_handled it._

_Another smile. _

_You seem to handle_

_A lot of mishaps._

_What did he mean?_

_What?_

_When Rosalie thought we were_

_A couple why you so _

_Defensive?_

_Oh. It was about _that.

_I didn't want any _

_Confusion that we were_

_Anything other then close friends._

_His smile disappeared. Why?_

_Is that ALL_

_We are? Close friends? _

_Yeah, it's not like we are going_

_Out. We are close friends._

_He was angrier?_

_Will we always be close_

_Friends? _

_I wanted to be more but I was sure he didn't think of me that way. So I answered with: _

_You'll_

_Be my friend no_

_Matter what _(;

_His smile came back. We filled up that napkin so we got another. He handed me it._

_Forever?_

_I laughed. I turned it around, and wrote words that I wish I would have the guts to say out loud and for a different reason. _

_And Always. . ._

_Before I could hand it back, "what are you guys writing about" Emmet said._

_I hid the napkin in my back pocket. _

"_Nothing, just how boring all you guys are," he joked. _

"_Oh, yeah?" Emmet challenged, puffing out hi8s chest to show superiority, "well you're boring…er?" _

"_Aw, Emmet you never were an on the spot thinker," I joked. As we all stood up, we were all done ready to leave._

I still kept that napkin till this day. I never got to give it back and reply with "always"

Little did I know that what Edward was really asking was is I ever saw us as being more then friends, if I had known that was the cause I would have something different.

I woke up the next morning to my 8:00 alarm clock going off, I went to take a shower and get ready for the day.

To no surprise Alice was already up making breakfast, no doubt she had been up before me. Alice and all of the Cullens have been like this ever since I could remember; I swear they got up, probably, before the sun did. "Are you ready for today?" she placed my plate in front of me. Eggs, bacon, and pancakes, man, my friend truly loved me.

"Thanks. For the breakfast, and no im not ready for today, not at all."

*SWC*

the day went by so fast, before I knew it, it was already 5:45, 15 minutes before _he _came. I put the last touches, on the dining room table; I was making dinner for everyone. Alice was out in the living room, fixing it.

Sooner rather then later I heard the door bell. I could hear all the Cullens, Rose, and Jasper. I expected only 3 voices of the same velvety tone, I knew Edward was coming but I just hoped he wouldn't come, I didn't want his first time to see me _since that day _looking like this, but to my semi-surprise I heard his voice.

"Hi, Alice," he said, "wonderful house,"

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	3. Chapter 2

AN: thank you all for waiting patiently (:

i do not own twilight

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Chapter 2

(November)

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I instantly froze. I didn't know what to do. All of a sudden, I heard beeping from the kitchen, and then I realized it was the timer for me to check on the pork chops, mash potatoes, and vegetables, I was making tonight. I went to the kitchen to pull it out.

"Isabella?" I heard to the right of me. I looked up. To absolutely no surprise it was Edward. He was holding a bottle of wine, "Alice told me I could give it you, she said you were in here." I felt strange. Like a stranger he had called me Isabella, my real name, but no one ever used it.

"Oh," I walked over to him and he gave me the wine. "Thanks," I tried to smile but im pretty sure all that came out of my face was shock, and a little disappointment.

He paused for a second before he responded. "Oh, no problem," if it had been 7 years ago, he already would have given me a hug by now. I was stupid to believe he would still give me one, or except anything of him.

"It'll go good with dinner." I took a step back and paused. "Well, you could go sit down, dinner is being served now."

He gave me a confused look, "right." he sighed.

So did i. and then he left. I took a deep breathe and began to serve. As I prepared each plate, I was thinking about his responses. He probably forgot about that day. Our fight. Could he? There was so much I wanted to talk about with him.

I came into the dining room holding 2 plates. I decided to serve Carlisle and Esme first.

"HI! BELLA!" Everyone said as I came into the room, except for Edward, he sulked in his seat next to Alice.

"Hi," I said with a sweet smile, looking at everyone.

"How are you?" Esme asked as I handed her plate right in front of her.

"I have been…" I looked at Edward, I wanted to say sad, disappointed, maybe let down. But instead I stuck with: "great." if only they knew that behind this fake smile were tears about to run down my face, but I didn't let them. "You?" I asked back.

"Great, thank you for making this lovely dinner," she smiled at me.

I smiled back at her, then looked at Carlisle and gave him his plate. "How are you Carlisle?"

"Perfectly well, thank you for asking." he looked down at the plate and smiled. "Thank you for dinner."

"No problem." I smiled truly, because no matter how sad, disappointed, or let down I was, looking at Carlisle and Esme gave me hope that there was true love out there, and everybody did have their 'other half'. My parents died when I was 23, so I looked up to Carlisle and Esme for guidance and support, now.

I went back to the kitchen to grab two more plates; I walked back to the dining room. "Hi, Emmet! Hi, Rose!" I exclaimed as I brought them their plates.

"Bella, this looks delicious!" Emmet Boomed, as I gave him his plate.

"It truly does," Rose said grabbing her fork, but didn't cut the pork chop, yet. It was a rule when we were eating with Carlisle and Esme that we had to wait to eat until everyone was at the dinner table.

"Thank you." I smiled at them to. Emmet and Rose have been engaged for about 6 months, and there wedding was in 8 months from now, it was a June wedding.

I went back into the kitchen and grabbed 2 more plates. They were to be Jasper and Edward's.

I came back and handed them their plates, and Jasper smiled and said thank you while Edward only said thank you. I was grateful that both were grateful. I couldn't shake off the feeling of disappointment when ever I was in a room with Edward.

After my last trip to the kitchen I grabbed the wine and poured everyone some, and finally sat down. I sat at the end of the big table, with Emmet to my right and Esme to my left. They had their significant other sitting on the other side of them with Alice at the other end of the table with Jasper on her left and Edward on her right. Again, I couldn't shake off the feeling of disappointment when Edward sat as far away from me as possible. And even bigger disappointment came when I quickly realized, we would never be as close as we were before. Ever again…

"Alice, Bella, you have a beautiful home,' Esme said looking around.

"Thank you," we both said in unison.

"We all are so happy you decided to move back here," Carlisle said taking a drink of his wine.

"We are happy to be back," I smiled at him. but I wasn't true to my words.

"So have you been looking for places for your guys' book store?" Rose asked, eating her pork chop.

"We were going to look tomorrow." I answered. "It's going to be in town so…"

"Bella, this truly is delicious." Jasper exclaimed looking down at his almost empty plate.

"It is really great," Emmet smiled.

"Thank you, guys," I smiled at every one. "It's good to know that im only a klutz everywhere but the kitchen, and to know that im actually good use in there." I joked.

"That's not true," Edward mumbled, he finally said something. "Im sure you have use everywhere and your not always a klutz," he mumbled again, eating his pork chop.

"Im sure all the doctors in Washington would have to disagree, im always in the hospital because of my klutzy-ness." I joked again, even though it was mainly the truth.

"You have a lot of use everywhere," Edward tried to reassure me, keeping his serious tone; "you have your book store."

Carlisle cut in, "im sure Bella was just kidding,"

"it's easily done, with you around," I said with out thinking.

"oh," Edward finally cracked a smile, the first smile I had seen from him in 6 years.

. . . . . . .

When it was time for the tour of the house, we began in the living room. "Obviously this is the living room," I pointed to our flat screen and our 5 shelves filled with movies, and our sofas.

"First 3 shelves are Bella's then the 2 shelves are mine, both of ours are organized by importance."

Edward observed the shelves, while every one admired the room. "Knocked up?"

"one of my favorites." I smiled.

"it was really fun when we all went to go see it," Jasper cut in.

"Except for the _un_wanted visitor," Edward paused; he looked back at the DVDs. "The Hang Over?"

"Riley was not an _un_wanted visitor, he was my first date, and it wasn't like Tanya wasn't an unwanted visitor," I shot back, "and The hang Over was a good movie, another great time when we want to go to the movies."

"_He_ was _unwanted_ because he ended up making out with Tanya at the end of the night, while he was on a date with you, and Tanya came because I thought she would enjoy it." he growled.

Emmet and Jasper both Laughed. "im sure she more then enjoyed it, making out with one guy after a record time of breaking up another only 20 minutes before." Emmet Guffawed.

Edward growled.

"Were going to go, Stuff to do, People to see," Esme said pulling Carlisle to the door.

"Stay! You haven't finished the tour!" Alice said.

"Alice, Another time, Bye kids, Thank you Bella for dinner," Carlisle said before they left. We all said good bye.

"Shall we continue?" I said slightly irritated, not looking at Edward.

"Sure, dinner and a show, im in," Emmet was giddy now. "I say we go to your room," Emmet looked at me.

"Uh…" I didn't want them to come, because I knew what lied beyond the door.

"This way!" Alice squealed heading in the direction to my room. Crap…

We went to my room, I walked I first, I looked to my bed and before I could do anything, I saw on my night stand, there was a picture of me and Edward about a month before he left. I walked, oh so, casually to my night stand and faced the picture down. And then remembered it was pointless because there were tons similar to it all around my room. Some of them only with me and Edward some of them with the whole gang.

"You still have these?" Edward said behind me next to one of my shelves.

I was terrified to see what he had found, because if I was being honest, my room was Bella/Edward-Utopia. Every bit of Edward was in this room. From the millions of movie tickets I'd had kept from when we all had gone to the movie theaters, to pictures like this one on my night stand.

"What?" I slowly turn in his direction.

CRAP! he was pointing to my shelf with the first 3 shelves filled with bears and prizes he had won me from fairs and carnivals, My favorite was the big white fluffy one that had a bug heart that said 'friends' on it. |:

"Um…."

Before I could explain Emmet and Jasper were laughing their asses off, "Bellarina, did you keep _everything_ having to do with Edward?" Jasper laughed.

"Not everything," I lied, embarrassed.

"Name one thing in here, that has _nothing_ to do with Edward in this room?" Emmet challenged.

I looked around, "MY book collection."

"Actually, I've read every book on those shelves," Edward mumbled. It seemed when ever he was near me he mumbled.

"Damn." I muttered.

Emmet laughed.

I looked around again, determined to prove him wrong, "my…"

"HA! You can't think of anything!" Emmet guffawed.

"Most of my child hood memories were with him, it would be impossible not to find something that doesn't involve with him," taking them off the track they were on.

Alice jumped in, thank God! "Why don't we go to my room," 'thank you' I mouthed to her, she responded to me with a wink.

Once the tour was over we all were having one beer before they left. We all sat in the living room. Alice and Jasper on the love seat. Emmet, Rose, and I on the bigger 3-seat couch. Edward sat on the recliner.

"I say we go out tomorrow night, juts like we used to but this time with more beer," Emmet started conversation.

We all Agreed eagerly, even Edward.

"oooOooh, we should all go to that karaoke bar, in Seattle!" Alice exclaimed.

We all groaned.

"Come on it'll be fun, see who gets drunk enough to go up and sing first!" She didn't let out response discourage her.

"Hmmm…. that sounds interesting" Emmet said.

"Let's do it!" Rose yelled.

"Sounds... Fun," I wasn't sure.

"I bet Bella will be the first one up there! We all know that she CAN'T hold her liquor if her life depended on it!" Jasper Joked.

. . . . . . .

Later that night around 10:30 they all left. We all said we would meet here tomorrow. I decided to take a shower.

As soon as I got out of the shower, I turned from the mirror so I could see me tattoo through the mirror. . .

My tattoo, I was only 19 when I got it, I remembered so perfectly what drove me to get a black bird with the words: Every Time I pause I think of you. I was drunk and got it for one reason and one reason only. . . Edward. I wanted the black bird because once when I was 14 and Edward was 16 I had asked him if he could be any animal what it would be, he replied quickly with a black bird. The words with the tattoo were truer than anything I had ever even though to say. Every time I did pause I thought of Edward, whether it be a good memory or one I wished that never happened. We didn't talk any more I missed being his friend. Im sure he had no ides, probably never will. I wanted to be _there_ for him, but I waited _here_ for him… just like we promised…

_I was 17and it was a weekend Edward was to be in town, and he would come into my guest room. it was around 1 in the morning, every one was sleeping except for me. _

_Edward walked in. instantly my heart was pounding._

_He came into the bed and held me to his chest, close, so close, I almost couldn't breath._

"_Bella?" He whispered._

"_Yeah?" I lifted my head up to talk to him. _

"_Do you remember that day in the coffee shop?" he asked quietly. _

_I smiled at the memory, "Yeah." _

"_Do you still have the same feelings, that we will _always_ be friends," _

"_no matter what!" I almost yelled, I couldn't even imagine losing him._

_He grimaced, "oh," _

_I saw the expression on his face, "What?" _

"_Will you be here for me forever?" This wasn't a question he would normally ask, or be so forward about it._

"_Of course! Through thick and thin! Ups and downs! And All Arounds!" _

_He smiled, "ok," _

"_ok,"_

_it became quiet, "Bella?" _

_I almost had fallen asleep, "yeah?"_

"_Good night," _

"_Good night," _

If I had known then that, that would have been the last time i would have Edward in my bed, I would have savored it.

Treat it like it was my last night on earth.

In the heat of the fight I walked away, ignoring words that he was saying, that was the time I had enough. I was so mad, I told him that it was over, but if he had rally known me I was really saying. All I want was him; he shouldn't have left because all I needed was on the other side of the door. It was me and my stupid pride, I kept going back over things we both said, I remember everything, the slamming door, and all the things I had misread. I needed him. More then he would ever know.

I wanted him to come back to me like he would if this was a movie; I needed him to come back like he could if one of us just said sorry. I know that we could work it out some how. But if this was a movie he'd be here by now.

I know people change and these things happen, but I remember how it felt back then, locked up in his arms in the night. and we would laugh because we didn't know this would happen ever to us. I always flash back to the night when he said to me: 'nothings going to change, not for me and you' when he was about to go to college.

I didn't want him to be moved on. I wanted him to know I have been waiting for him, ever since I've been gone. I just want it the way it was before; I just want to see him at my front door. But it's not that easy. Before the fight, before I locked you out, but id take it all back now. I would take it all back, but I cant.

* * *

AN: reviews are what pushes Writers to Update(:


	4. Chapter 3

_**Maybe it was wrong of me to think I could keep you**_  
_**And maybe it's the last few drinks**_  
_**Taking over my mouth and all I've been thinking**_  
_**I want you to know that I am fine here without you**_  
_**But I can't bring myself to lie to you.**_  
_**And since we're being honest, I feel I should tell you**_  
_**I've been filling up the empty space between you and I**_

_**Between you and i - Every Avenue **_

* * *

Chapter 3

"Ok, im done," Alice stepped away from me, finally after about 3 hours of preparation to go out tonight.

I looked at my self at my mirror, I had my hair in curls, in a way, I thought was only possible in movies, my make up matching the darkness of my dress. My eyes were dark black Smokey eye shadow. And my eye lashes were long and curled up, looking like they reached Canada; I wore red lipstick that Alice said matched my pale face. My dress was tight at the top, but soon became flow-y at the bottom starting at the waist, the dress it self stopped at the beginning of my knees, it was strapless.

"how, do you do it?" I asked amazed.

"what?" She was confused.

"Create a masterpiece of a girl out of plain Jane?" I hugged her.

I looked at Alice was dressed just as beautifully. He heir was flipped out; she used a straighter to do it. Her make up done with purple eye shadow and a light lip gloss. Her dress was a tight top-to-bottom purple strapless dress.

She laughed.

"Bella, you're beautiful even if your hair was a rat's nest and you had a mud face and a potato sack for a dress, why can't you see that?"

Before I could respond, the door bell rang. We rushed out of my room and got the door.

It was Jasper and Edward.

"Hey, baby," Jasper said to Alice, "you both look fucken amazing." Jasper was wearing jeans and a black button down, untucked, with the first two buttons unbuttoned.

I giggled, "Thanks," me and Alice replied. I turned to look at Edward.

Holy Crow! Im sure if Alice and Jasper weren't there, I would have jumped him. He looked amazing, his hair its usual sexy bed head, and his black v-neck, showing all of his muscles on his chest, with jeans. Yum!

"You look good, Isabella," Edward said. There he goes with the Isabella thing… ugh.

Alice cleared her throat.

"You too, sis," Edward said.

"Thank you," she giggled, "Both of you come in, were still waiting on Emmet and Rose."

Just as we all sat down, the door bell rang, I shot up, "I'll get it," I an to the door, to see Emmet and Rose, Emmet was wearing a t-shirt that had said 'Swag Machine,' and Rose with her hair pin straight, and a red cocktail dress. "Hey, Guys!" I gave them a big hug.

"Hey," they both said.

I turned around to see the rest of the group, standing behind me, "Are we ready?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah!" I paused, "wait." I turned to Emmet, "'Swag Machine? Really? What are you 13?" I joked.

"I picked it out," Rose said, "No girl in their right mind would try to pick up or hit on a guy with this t-shirt, so now, I don't have to worry about it," she laughed, as did i. "I mean would you?"

"No," me and Alice both giggled.

"Exactly!"

. . . . S*W*C . . . .

When we got to the bar "Lion and Lamb" we got there around were surprised by how packed it was,

"Well, who ever is the first to get up on stage is fucked!" Emmet laughed as we all took our first shots.

the usual burning sensation went down my throat and I slammed the glass on the table in front of us. My eyes were sent immediately to Edward, He was looking at me, ugh. He looked so hot1 ugh. This was going o be a long night.

But, of course, me being me couldn't handle my liquor.

"I don't think Bellarina is going to last long!" Emmet yelled to jasper, while slamming his shot down.

And I didn't.

After what felt like about a million shots and about an hour of constant glares and stares sent to and from Edward later i was on stage about to sing.

"Ok, im Bella!" I slurred into the microphone, "This song is dedicated to a boy of course," I laughed, "Who when I was a teenager I was in love with," I looked at Edward, who was staring at me in disbelief, "and I regret one argument that caused me to leave for about six years, but if only he asked me, I would've stayed, if he would've tried, I would have probably still to this day be with him, and although, his name isn't Daniel, I still mean this song for him." I was drunk off my ass, but still meant every word. I looked to the DJ and nodded. The song started, and then I looked to the crowd.

"_Do you still sleep without your pillows _

_in the house on Cherry street?_

_Do you hear the sea?_

_And we promised we would meet back up in autumn,_

_But next spring came crawling' on its knees."_

I looked around and people started to dance, I took that as a signal to continue. I didn't look at Edward yet, the song was to him, but not those particular lines.

"_You couldn't fit inside my suitcase,_

_And I didn't wanna be slowed down_."

I looked at him, because these were the lines, meant for him.

"_Sometimes I wish that_

_I could turn the clock around. . ."_

Then the chorus began, I kept my eyes locked Edward.

"_Why Daniel? I wish you'd talked me _

_out of it, through thin and thick_

_Why Daniel? _

_Why'd you let me walk away?_

_I would've stayed."_

I could feel my eyes begin to water, but I was to drunk to stop.

"_I convinced me if I loved you,_

_I'd leave you, I was lying._

_You stood there with your palms out,_

_your crying was silent_

_Why Daniel?_

_I didn't mean a word I said back then._

_Why'd you let me win?"_

A tear came down; the next words weren't to him so I looked away.

"_I remember when we spoke of_

_Flying North to Paris, France,_

_Just to feed the birds"_

I looked back at him, but the next words, I would have to change, to be true to our story.

"_I still have that old napkin_

_that I took home from the café, _

_where I wrote all those words."_

again another tear, and then I looked away.

"_You couldn't follow me to LA_

_I should have never took that job"_

I looked back.

"_Now 6 years have passed _

_And I still feel so robbed"_

Another tear.

"_Why Daniel? _

_I wish you'd talked me out of it,_

_Through thin and thick_

_Why Daniel? _

_Why'd you let me walk away?_

_I would've stayed."_

2 tears.

"_I convinced me if I loved you, _

_I'd leave you, I was lying_

_You stood there with your palms out,_

_your crying was silent_

_Why Daniel?_

_I didn't mean a word I said back then._

_Why'd you let me win?"_

"_Have you settled down _

_with someone _

_since I gave you time to grow?"_

I died a little at the thought.

"_Do you ever think about me? _

_was it easy to let go?  
I was such a foolish soul."_

He took a drink of his beer and continued watching.

"_Why Daniel? _

_I wish you'd talked me out of it, _

_through thin and thick  
Why Daniel?_

_Why'd you let me walk away, _

_I would've stayed."_

"_I convinced me if I loved you, I'd leave you, I was lying.  
You stood there with your palms out, your crying was silent  
Why Daniel? I didn't mean a word I said back then"_

By the end of the song I was silently singing.

"_Why'd you let me win?  
Why'd you let me win?"_

The song soon faded out.

The crowd cheered, and there was no one next in line to hand the mic to, so I set it back on its stand and got off the stage, and walked to my group.

"You can sing!" Rose high fived me.

"You never told me you had the talent?" Alice yelled hugging me. I do?

Emmet and Jasper smiled. "You have balls!" Emmet declared.

I looked over to Edward spot, but he was gone, He probably ran out, he couldn't face me. Well, that was a punch in the face.

As they all congrated me, with my back toward the stage, I heard _his_ voice over the big speaker.

"im Edward," I turned slowly, and he was in the stage, looked like hell, "um.. This song is dedicated to the girl that if I would've loved her like I do now, maybe she wouldn't be gone," The music started playing and I knew exactly what song it was. He began to sing, looking out into the crowd; his velvet voice filled the room.

"_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two_

_Maybe she'd thought it through"_

He looked directly at me now.

"_Yellow sunset slowly dipping down in the rear view  
Oh, how she'd love to sit and watch you  
I could have done that a whole lot more"_

He ran his fingers through his hair, a habit he didn't exactly loose form when he was a teenager. He always did this when he was nervous or frustrated.

"_If I hadn't been so stubborn, been so selfish  
Thought about her more, thought about me less,  
Joked and made her laugh, held her when she cried  
A little more that.. Maybe I..."_

I was confused, now. He was still looking at me, was the song really for me?

"_Wouldn't be driving like hell flying_

_Like crazy down the highway  
Calling everyone we know _

_stopping any place we would be  
Going any place we might be"_

He changed the lyrics, but didn't hesitate.

"_beating on the dash  
Screaming out her name at the windshield_

_tears soaking up my face  
If I had loved her this much all along, _

_maybe, yeaa maybe...  
She wouldn't be gone.. she wouldn't be gone."_

His eyes became more red, and filled with water.

"_I knew it was coming_

_said, 'if I dint say'_

_she was leaving' I just didn't_

_want to believe, she would_

_ever walk away_

_Well, I know it know." _

"_Called my sister, cried like _

_a baby to her best friend, if she talked to her_

_she aint saying, now im cursing_

_like a fool_

_praying it aint to late, all I wanna do it fix_

_my mistakes, find her, beg her_

_for one more chance, until then_

_damn it, i…" _

he changed the lyrics again.

"_Wouldn't be driving like hell flying_

_Like crazy down the highway  
Calling everyone we know _

_stopping any place we would be  
Going any place we might be"_

"_beating on the dash  
Screaming out her name at the windshield_

_tears soaking up my face  
If I had loved her this much all along, _

_maybe, yeaa maybe...  
She wouldn't be gone… She wouldn't be gone."_

"_Red roadside wild flower if I'd only picked you_

_Took you home set you on the counter, oh at least a time or two_

_Maybe she'd thought it through"_

He looked at me, with tears in his eyes, the audience cheered, and he got off the stage.

We all said our 'good job's like they did for me, We ALL knew he had a musical talent, but rarely let it show, I stood still.

"Alright lets go to the club 'Twilight' before I get drunk and sing!" Emmet joked.

. . . . S*W*C . . . .

When we got to the club, by cab, Edward and I hadn't spoken the whole way here.

I stood up from our table. "Im going to go get a drink then go dance,"

"I'll go with you," Rose and Alice said.

"ok," we went to the bar and ordered three beers, I was slowly sobering up from the bar.

"Are you ok," Alice asked, "some times Edward doesn't think, you know that," She took a drink form her beer.

I shrugged, "I don't know, but i did the same thing,"

"I cant believe he did that." Rose exclaimed, "I cant believe _you_ did that!"

"I was drunk, you know when I am drunk I have no filter," I took a drink.

"Did you mean it?" Alice asked as we started dancing.

"Yeah, im not sure if he did though."

"Of course he did! You know Edward only says what he means and means what he says!" Rose shouts out.

"Yeah,"

"do you want to dance?" I heard a voice in my ear, I shuddered and turned.

It was a man all tan and buff, with Black hair and dark eyes, he looked about 6'2. I nodded and he put my beer on the counter, and took my hand.

"Bye, Bella," Rose and Alice said.

Then the song hot n' Cold by Katy Perry came on, and we began Dancing. "Are you here with just them?" he whispered in my ear.

I shook my head.

"You bring a boyfriend?" he scooted closer.

I shook my heard.

He whistled, "Pretty girl like you with no boyfriend? Well then let me formally introduce myself," he got closer so our hips were touching, "im Sam," he whispered into my ear.

"Isabella," I squeaked.

Edward had always kept me from boys, so I had no clue what to say to them.

"Isabella," His grip on my hips tightened. "do you want to go somewhere more private?"

I shook my head. who the hell did he think I am?

"come on, baby, it'll be alright," he bit my ear.

Gross.

I shook my head.

"Isabella," he went to my other ear," you'll be safe with me," he bit that ear.

I shook my head.

"Isa-," he couldn't finish.

"is he bothering you?" Edward's Velvety voice said behind me.

I stayed silent; Edward would take this as a hint.

"No, me and My Isabella were just leaving," He moved me so i was standing next to him.

"come on, Bella," Edward said taking my hand, I couldn't get past the fact the he called, me 'Bella' for the first time in 6years.

I grabbed his hand.

But Sam grabbed my arm, Where do you thin you are going?" he spat out.

"Let me go," I tugged my arm, but no reaction.

"fuck no!" he pulled me towards him.

I struggled, then Edward punched him. Fists went flying, Edward was soon on top of Sam punching him, and he was soon pulled off by the bouncers, and me and Edward were thrown out of the club.

I took out my phone and messaged Alice.

_**Hey, Edward and I went back to the house, going to bed, g'night! see you in the morning!**_

_**XX Bella.**_

"I got us a taxi, lets go," Edward lead me to the taxi, and told the taxi driver, my address. then I got a text from Alice.

_**OOOO-o-OooOooh (; see ya tomorrow. **_

_**xoxo Alice.**_

The cab ride was unbearably silent. When we got to my house, I told him he could come in for an ice pack for the one punch he got form Sam. I came back to the living room, where he was sitting on the couch.

I gave him the ice, "thank you,"

"no problem," I said, sitting down,

it stayed quiet.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, im fine, thank you for the help." I quickly said.

"No problem, He said.

It got quiet again.

"How do you like forks again?" He awkwardly asked.

I thought. "It's great. Really. Everything is almost the way I remember it."

He nodded.

"how do you like working for Carlisle and Esme, if I had asked if you wanted to work for them a couple of years ago you probably would have hated the idea." I joked.

"its great. and it's because I grew up, Realized People can't have everything they want." he added stiffly

it got awkward again.

"how have you been?" I asked, dying to change the subject.

He grimaced, "Do you remember that one time we all went to go see that movie, 'remember me'?" he completely avoided the question, Why?

"yeah, and how I cried, for about 2 hours afterwards," I looooved that move but hated the ending.

He chuckled, "and how it took you about 4 hours to stop rambling about how Robert Pattinson's character did not deserve to die?" This memory made us both smile.

"he didn't!" our laughing soon subsided. It became awkwardly silent again, "can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"That night, when we had our fight, why did you leave?" I blurted out before i knew what I was saying.

"I had to," he became more rigid. "Like I wanted to see you after you rejected me." he scoffed.

His words sent a knife through my heart, "would you still have walked away if you would've known we wouldn't talk for six years?"

His demeanor changed, "the way I remember it is, it was you who walked away, not me." he stood up and through the ice pack on the coffee table, and went to look through the window.

and the knife twisted. "what do you mean?"

"You walked away, not me," he didn't look at me

"you were the one that didn't stop me," I stood up.

He scoffed, "what was I suppose to do? Chase after you? Tell you that I loved you, even though I already did? Tell you that I wanted a chance? What else was I suppose to say?" he looked at me with a confused look, "I told you everything I could've said, and yet you still walked away!"

"Oh, Excuse me, for not believing that gorgeous, quarter-back, player slash cheater Edward Cullen. I didn't believe you because if you had loved me, you wouldn't be able to date other girls, you wouldn't make out with them at parties. you wouldn't be able to!" I spat out. I walked over to him, "my 10th grade talent show, I sand 'you belong with me' by Taylor swift, that was to you!" my yelling didn't cease, "And who did you leave with?"

"T-Tanya," he closed his eyes tight.

"you cant even comprehend how much that hurt me, to spill out me heart and watch you walk away. I meant every word. And I was rejected."

"and who did you leave with?" he shot back.

"Tyler walked me home because I had no one else!" I scoffed" Every one else left, that doesn't cover up all the other times that you thought 'its no big deal, break her heart, I can let her down, she can cry, its all because she doesn't like me,' RIGHT? That makes sense!"

"When have you Ever given me any signal that you had any interest in me, what so ever?" he spat. "You said it yourself! 'We'll always be friends' were just close friends'!" he yelled, "So excuse me for not believing that gorgeous-funny-Isabella swan liked me!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I yelled, "I, to you, only may have been only Alice's best friend, but i was still apart of the girl population, you had every girl you looked at mooning over you!"

"And I wasn't like any other boy in the male population that was in love with you? You had tons of guys mooning over you and making googly eyes at you in the hallways, I had to keep them away! And I never thought that my actions would make you cry! Let you down! Or hurt you!" He ran his fingers through his hair.

"You thought I wouldn't get hurt when you left the state to get away from me?" I said, suddenly quiet.

"Honestly, yes! You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want me, when you punched me!" he shifted his weight form one leg to the other.

"you made it clear that you didn't want me when I caught you at my 15th Birthday party making out with Jessica Stanley!" a tear came down at the memory. "I realized that say you walked away with Tanya at the talent show that some time, when people decide to leave me for some one better, to let them, no matter how much I don't want them to, there are tons of things in this world that are far beyond my control. Even if I have the strength to fight for them, I just have to accept the cold harsh truth: the people that I cant live with out, can live with out Me." another tear, "I would think EVERY day when I woke up, 'oh maybe he'll realize it' but that day would pass, and it was just another day that I had to live with out you!"

He ran his fingers through his hair, "I never put the moves on you because I thought you didn't like me!"

"What was I suppose to say? 'Hey, Edward, how are you, I love you! Like, really!" I yelled, "You only saw me as Alice's best friend!"

"if I only saw you as Alice's best friend, I wouldn't have let you wear my jersey, before every away game, or made that binder, or went and told boys that you were mine and to stay away!" he spat out like venom.

"oh, Plea—," then I processed what he had said, he told people I was 'his', "YOU WHAT? You claimed me as property with out telling me!"

"Yes! I couldn't stand the way others looked at you! so I started telling people we were secretly dating." His hair was a mess, and his eyes were red and puffy.

"so, rather than telling people I probably wasn't interested like a normal person would do, you told people we were secretly dating, while you dated other girls, and MADE ME LOOK LIKE A SKANK!" How could he be so dumb!

"I didn't date any one other then Tanya!"

"Oh! Right! Excuse me! I forgot you- only made me look like an idiot—you didn't date, you hooked up with random strangers! But Tanya, the one who made me hate life! She got to LOVE YOU THE WAY I WANTED!" tears were rolling down my face, "so don't tell me you loved me all along, when you didn't even try before that day, you didn't take the chance! You thought I would reject you or that others would judge you for dating me! Because if you had in fact loved me you would have tried!"

He instantly was pissed, "don't Fucken say I didn't love you! don't fucken think I thought of myself before you! I fucken did try! you walked away! You left! I did FUCKEN TRY! SORRY IT TOOK ME TEN YEARS TO BUILD UPTHE COURAGE TO TELL THE GIRL I LOVE THAT I DID IN FATC LOVE HER! I WAS SCARED OF REJECTION, BUT SO WERE YOU!" Edward paused, "this is pointless, we are repeating conversations," he walked to the door…

He left.

Again.

I went to bed thinking about our conversation.

I was terrified that I screwed up. That I said things that I shouldn't have. that I lost him. that he no longer loved me.

I was sad. that he walked away.

But i had to open my big mouth, and say he never loved me. Just because he was scared like me, and didn't try. just because he let me walk away.

I still loved him, like I did. I still want him, like I did. I still need him, like I did.

* * *

**_when people decide to leave me for some one better,_****_ to let them, no matter how much I don't want them to, there are tons of things in this world that are far beyond my control. Even if I have the strength to fight for them, I just have to accept the cold harsh truth: the people that I cant live with out, can live with out Me._**

**AN: ok, sorry for the RRREEEAAALLLYYY late update, I finally came back from my vacation. **

**I know my other story Afraid and Forgotten, has the singing too, but this is probably a one time thing in this story. **

**Songs: **

**Daniel- Dia Frampton**

**She wouldn't be gone- Blake Shelton**

**update will come soon(:**

**longest chapter should deserve a little review?**


	5. Chapter 4

**AN: sorry this is a very late update!**

**START RANT:**

**THE IMPOSSIBLE WAS DONE! THE IMPOSSIBLE WAS DONE! KRISTEN STEWART CHEATED ON ROB! Ahh! How could u cheat on him? I know it is devastating to all of us, and I personally have lost all respect to Kristen Stewart, because A) she was in a relationship B)it was Rob Freaking Pattinson! C) The other guy was MARRIED WITH KIDS! and I also personally felt like she did it because she was scarred at the rate her and Rob's relationship was going (I mean they were getting married there were kid rumors, I mean she is 22) so I think she wanted it to all stop, so she lead to cheating, and I guess BE CAREFULL WHAT U WISH FOR Instead of having the balls to sit down and talk to Rob about their relationship she goes off and Cheats on him. so I have lost all respect for her as a person and actor. ! and then to make matter worse, she puts our a statement saying she is sorry, and that she still loves rob. . . . wow, I personally think that if you really love somebody you wouldn't cheat on them, Rob made it very clear about his feelings on cheating saying 'if im in a relationship I am going to be in it 110% there is no point in cheating, if your unhappy leave' oy, I just don't know how she could cheat on him!.**

**im a little peeved off at some FF writers for taking down their stories or stopped writing, because it was Rob and Kristen not Edward and Bella. BUT I WILL NOT BOYCOTT TWILIGHT FOR IT!**

**END RANT**

Chapter 4

I woke up late that night from Alice calling me. I looked at the clock, 4:27. Why was she calling me this early?

I answered, "Hello?"

"Bella?" she seemed worried, "I just wanted to tell you that im in the hospital."

"why what's wrong?!" I said sitting right up.

she sighed, "well, Edward is," then she paused, "we all cam back to his and jazz's apartment, and it was about 3 in the morning, and Edward was in the living room, we thought he was sleeping but when we tried to wake him up, he wouldn't. And then we realized he was passed out. He had a huge bruise in the back of his head, but later we found out that the bump was from falling on the kitchen floor. And when we called the ambulance, and then he woke up, and started to say stuff about you."

"What did he say," I said suddenly fully awake.

"Just 'I lost her' and stuff like that, 'I should've told her' he would not stop rambling, till the doctors sedated him so they could look at his bump. He was completely drunk, we found like hundreds of beer cans in the living room when we got there. But He's up now, end when we asked him if he wanted to see you, he got hysterical. Saying 'I lost her, don't you fucking get it? I was too late! I lost her!' and he would continue to yell."

"i am coming right over," I said getting actual clothes on.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Alice whispered.

"why not?" I said about to grab my keys.

"I think both of you just need your time alone. space apart after what ever happened last night…" Alice got quite.

and then I did.

He didn't want to see me?

"I'll call you later," Alice said pulling me out of my thoughts.

"ok…"

. . . . . . .

2 WEEKS LATER . . .

"are you sure," You don't have to go with us tonight," Alice tried reassuring me, because everyone was going to the movies tonight, including Edward. I hadn't seen or heard from Edward since that night.

"Alice, I'll be fine, its not like I've never met Edward, it will be fine," I tried reassuring Alice. And myself.

she sighed, "ok,"

. . . . .

We all met at the theater and once we said our hello's (me and Edward stayed silent towards each other), we went to pay for our tickets.

"2 tickets to see the hunger games," Emmet said giving the girl the money, she back tickets and rose and him went inside to find seats.

Jasper bought his and Alice's, and they went inside. I was about to get out my money to pay when Edward walked in front of me. "2 tickets to see the hunger games." He mumbled. He handed me one but just walked in and didn't say anything.

I took it.

I ended up sitting in the middle with Edward Emmet and Rose to my left. Edward sat next to me with Alice and Jasper to his right. It was funny to me because it was exactly like high school, when just we 6 went. Alice and Jasper making out, and Rose and Emmet were doing the same, and me and Edward sitting their awkwardly waiting for the movie to play, not saying a word to each other.

Finally the movie started.

. . . . . . . .

The movie ended up being great. Better then I expected. One thing I couldn't understand is why Peeta, the boy Katniss went to the hunger games with, never confessed his love to Katniss, before the hunger games, before they were going to die. Was he afraid of rejection too? Either way I was completely team Peeta. Gale was cute, you know in a cute best friend way, but Peeta is funny, sweet, doesn't change for anything or anyone. he believed that if he stayed the same, everything else would.

Alice was going to jaspers tonight so I had to drive myself home, they pulled out of the parking lot before I got into my truck. Except for Edward, his Volvo was parked next to mine. I quickly got into my truck. I put my key into the ignition.

nothing.

I tried again.

nothing.

I put my forehead on the steering wheel. Crap. Great, my car wouldn't start. Just then I heard a knock on my window. At this point in my life I should not have been surprised to see it was Edward. Edward always seemed to be there in my time of need. I rolled down my window.

"Do you need help," he asked actually looking at me for the first time tonight.

"Uh, my truck won't start" I explained.

"Let me take a look." he went to the front of the truck, I got out and stood next to him. he popped the hood open. "who rebuilt the engine?" he looked around the engine.

"Jacob." I said with out thinking, Jacob was my old college boyfriend that I still talked to from time to time.

I could tell form his expression he wasn't happy that it was a boy name, "Jacob. Does he know a lot about trucks?" he shut the hood of the truck.

"uh, im guessing, he owns a shop in Seattle"

"hmmm…." he paused, then looked at me seriously, "it needs a new battery," he simply put.

"oh, ok, thanks," I pulled out my phone, "I'll call Alice, and ask her if she can pick me up—,"

"don't be ridiculous," he looked sort of disgusted, like I just told him I shot his dog, "I'll drive you home.

before I knew it I was hesitantly getting in his Volvo.

he got in too. "you should put your seat belt on," he said starting the car.

"im fine," I whispered.

he didn't pull out of the parking lot, "im not moving until you do, you know my rule," right. his 'rule' when ever I was in a car with him, I HAD to put my seat belt on.

"That was a rule made when I was 14, im 26 now, I think I'll be fine," I said, yet I still pullet my seat belt on.

"Thank you," he said in a 'hahaha beat you' tone.


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: ok, I got a comment from one of my readers saying Edward threw the word "love" around a lot… they have known each other for 16 years….I'm thinking not. **

**I know this is a VERYYYY late update, im sorry, RL hasn't been very kind to me /:**

**Up dates will come sooner(: and WILL BE LONGER!**

* * *

Chapter 5

It was silent the whole car ride home. The only thing we heard was his classical music. Edward had always loved classical music, he would even blare it at times. When ever I was at the Cullen's house I knew Edward was home when I heard classical music.

He pulled into my drive way. Unlocked my door, "thank you for driving me home," I tried to smile but im sure a frown came out.

"no Problem," he said as I undid my set belt.

I sighed, "Edward, can I ask a question?" I said before I even knew what I was saying.

"Hmm?" he answered.

I didn't know what I was going to ask him so I blurted out, "Team Peeta or Gale?"

He laughed for the first time tonight, "Peeta," he sighed, "that wasn't the question was it?"

"Can we be friends?" I blurted our again. Why I am I blurting today!

His grip on the steering wheel tightened and made his fingers turn white, but his face looked sad, "I don't know,"

"It's a simply question. Kindergartners can answer it," I scoffed.

He gave me a confused look, "do we look like a bunch of 5 year olds?" it stayed silent, "I'll have to think about it,"I sighed. "Im sorry,"

"Why can't you answer now?" I asked, "if you don't want to be friends say it, don't get my hopes up, waiting for it like I was when we were teenagers."

"But were not teenagers anymore, were actual adults, it's more complicated," he deadpanned.

I sighed. He didn't like me anymore, because I was pissed. Because I didn't say anything either. I quickly got out of his car and went into my hours, I hated that I left with out saying goodbye. I didn't look back knowing he would already by gone. I shut the door behind me, and went to the kitchen, some thing caught my eye. It was the blinking red number on the answering machine.

It was Alice's and my Voice mail box, it read 2 messages, and I clicked on the play button. I headed to make my self a bowl of cereal while I listened.

"_Bella?! Its mom just wanted to check on you guys! Me and your dad just arrived in Florida. Im in hopes you like forks still. Call me back! Remember our offer still stands, bye. We love you!" _I would call her tomorrow; it was 9:15 now.

I sat down with my bowl of cereal as the next voice began.

"_Hey, Is," I heard _his _voice playing. I instantly became pissed, "it's Jake, I wanted to call to tell you, I made a mistake, choosing Leah, im so sorry, I see that I've loved you all along. That's why, im coming to forks to win you back. I love you, Is, I am going to prove toy you, I'll be there in a week. Love you, Is," '_Is' is what he called me all the time, I hated it, but no matter how many time I made it known that I hated the name, he didn't cease the name. I didn't want him to come; I wanted him to stay in Seattle. He picked the wrong timing for this, Edward would just get into this, and Jacob would wish eh never came.

I took a shower then put on my pajamas I wore all the time. it was Edward's old home game foot ball jersey. He gave me it at the end of his last football game. He let me wear it before any away game, which was something I was oblivious about, considering only the girlfriends of the football players wore their jerseys, Alice did the same with Jazz, and Tanya never wore the jersey, even when they were dating. It was Yellow and purple the colors of our school, and it had the word "Cullen" on the back and the number 34. Something he was oblivious about because once he asked me what my favorite number was and I had said 34.

I was so stupid! He left so many hints! but so did I, he once left a hint when I on accident spilt chocolate milk on my shirt and Alice let my use an extra t-shirt that had read: "Before you look here you need to know: my name, age, and the color of my hair and eyes" Written on the chest part of the shirt. When Edward drove me home, I was about to get out of the car, but I gave him a hug first and he leaned into my ear and said, "Bella, 17, Mahogany brown, but in the sun it's red, and melted milk chocolate brown," did he check me out? Or was he simply curious of my shirt? I didn't think anything of it because he was dating Tanya.

Tanya Denali, a girl that made me hate life for two years, before her and Edward broke up before he went to college. Right after I told her off too. I remember it so clearly because it was one of the best days of my life.

It was the last week of Edward and Tanya's senior year. She was in my gym class and all

the girls were getting dressed.

"_Eddie's parents are letting us go to their cabin in Oregon next week," she said looking in the mirror, while putting lip gloss on and talking to her friends. Ha! She is such a liar! Carlisle and Esme would never ever in am billion years allow that. Next week all of us, not including Tanya, were going up to the cabin, including me. Something we always did, just us. "Oh, His parents just adore me! They once almost bought me a car!" she continued lying her nasal high pitched lying tone. Edward's parents hated Tanya. "Esme says she already expecting a wedding," they all giggled but that is when I spoke up._

"_You're not going to the cabin with us1" I said acting confused. Catching her lying in front of her friends was something that always happened but I never spoke up until now. She looked stunned, speechless for once in her life. "It's only going to be Jasper, Alice Emmet, Rosalie, Edward, and me," _

_Her friends starred at me in disbelief. "Bella, you d-didn't hear? i-I'm coming with y-you guys," she lied again._

"_Liar," I scoffed, "I can call Edward right now and ask him right now," I pulled out my phone._

"_you don't have Eddie's number," she said suddenly worried._

"_One: it's **Edward**. Two: I've known him since I was 10 years old, honey, you bet your ass I have his number" I was surprised by my tone and what I said. I quickly pulled out my phone and dialed his number before she could have time to answer. I pressed speaker._

_He picked up, "Hey, beautiful," it was his happy response to every time I called. He always called me beautiful or gorgeous. They all gasped at the nickname, and Tanya looked pissed. _

"_Hey, handsome," I played back, "I got a quick question," _

"_Ask me anything," Tanya seemed surprised at his openness he had with me._

_I paused, "who is all going to the cabin with us?" I asked hoping my plan didn't back fire on me._

"_Uh, you, me, Emmet, Alice, Jasper, and my parents. Why?" I smiled at Tanya. _

"_Oh," I laughed, "I heard a rumor Tanya was coming with us,"_

"_You know my parents can't stand Tanya, they wouldn't in a million years let her come up with us," Ha! Take that Tanya!_

"_Right. No. Yeah, I know that, alright well see ya later, sexy!" we always called each other names like this._

_He chuckled, "Alright, see ya after school, I'm taki9ng you home, right?"_

"_yeah," _

"_ok, great, see ya later sexy!" he hung up and then I smiled. _

"_oh, did ya hear that?" _

"_Shut up!" Tanya yelled._

"_next time you lie about Edward, make sure one of his best friends isn't in the room," I laughed and then walked away, and then remembered something, I turned around and she was still standing there speechless, "oh, by the way, Edward HATES being called Eddie," I flipped her off and then left._

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

About a week after our camping trip, the whole movie theater situation came up and they broke up.

Having Tanya leave made me realize something. When someone doesn't want you, leave. They're not going to want you. They are not going to love you like you love them.

That's when I started going out on dates and had more then 2 guy friends.

But no matter other many guys I talked to or ho many dates I had I always loved Edward. Always have and always will.

I woke up the next day to another voice message on my answering machine; I clicked play and sat down with my cinnamon toast crunch.

"_Bella,"_ I heard Edward's voice; he took a sigh, "_I'm sorry for calling at 1 in the morning but,"_ he took another sigh, "_im sorry for not answering your question earlier but here is my answer…No,_" my heart broke at the 1 syllable, 2 letter word. "_im sorry but I cant be friends with someone I'm in love with…it's not fair. to see you and not be able to kiss you and tell you I love you. it's clear to me that you only have friend feelings for me._" he paused, "_and until I get rid of all my feelings for you other then friendship I think I need a break from you, I don't want to lose you forever Bella, your friendship means too much to me, so after I get over you, we can be-_," don't say it, _"-we- we—," _please don't say it, he took a sigh, _"—we can be-,"_ a tear came down, please say anything else but what I think you are going to say, _"—Friends,_" he paused, "_it kills me to say this, but I know its what you want,_" REALLY? "_Bye, Beautiful, I Lo-_," then he hung up.

He thought I wanted to be friends? after almost 16 years of being friends and being in love with him? I needed to prove to him that I still loved him.


End file.
